Believe me, it can be done.
Everything in life, it takes patience. I joke about being the best, or being smug. Anyone who actually spends time with me will hear me make that clear at some point. Right now, I can't get my thoughts out the way that I want to. My writing style just doesn't flow, and I just don't feel the amazing feeling of satisfaction that comes from writing something that I am satisfied with.
I'm not really smug. I don't really feel superior. I'm lucky to be able to inhabit a body on this planet at this particular point in time. I am appreciative for everything I've been given, been shown, been a part of, seen, and more. If I tout my accomplishments its because I usually hold it all in and people don't get to see the blessings I get. It's unfortunate, but a quick reminder and it's back to normal. I don't ever truly feel superior, merely on par with my fellow humans. The hubris is just a fun way to do something without ever actually meaning it. A joke. However, I'm too old for this jokes.
It's time to finally get going here. I keep trying to reconcile my past. Or maybe it keeps trying to reconcile with me. I am not sure. At this point I need to move on because I can't even remember why I made some of the decisions. Then when I do finally drudge up those memories, it's never good. I'm not even in the same situation so I can't even get on that level. I know some people might be unwilling to move on, they will always be stuck with some type of situation that was all in their head to begin with.
I don't hold grudges. Things have a way of working out. I respect and and enjoy that privilege and protect my right to it. I'd rather move on and move up then worry about getting even. You can bet on that, that's why its so hard for me to understand. But lately, I guess I get it. Things can just get so bad that you sink so low. It happens, its a life lesson. We are tricked into thinking we are immortal and that this is just a practice run. Whether or not that's true, well that's something else but I sure don't see anyone ever benefiting from living that way. It's quite the opposite.
One day, it's all going to seem so silly and you will want to still have your dignity and integrity. These are both things that regrets will instantly erode. Besides, I've found moving up to be much more favorable, than bending down to .. get even.